___________Real life is a lot harder. It's been a month and a half. The hardest part? Not the solitude. My default setting is "neighborhood playing, church socializing" loner. The job hunt? I interview well enough. I can be brave when I need to be. The online applications? Tedious, but doable. No ...
The hardest part is trusting that God has a place for me.You see ... believe it or not I've been pretty busy the past 46 days. Doing what you ask?
Mentoring. Encouraging. Giving & Receiving Love. Dancing.
I've been walking in my calling. And I don't want to give it up.How can I work a 9 to 5 job if that means not being able to take ballet class? I take my job too seriously to skip out early. Why would I work in an office when my heart is folding clothes with teenagers at the mall? I have health insurance with my parents, I'm not afraid to work part time. But working part time means trusting God extra to provide money for rent and toilet paper. Thus the prayer for every meal. Or at least before swiping my credit card that I'll be able to pay it within the month. Interest is the dickens. So here I sit and type.
House clean. Hands purposed. Mind focused. Heart at peace.For the moment anyways. I did buy multiple forms of refined sugar in compensation for temporary insanity. Sanity is very relative with me in case you haven't noticed. I typed this sentence with gummy bears stuck to my upper lip ... but I digress. Those who skim my twitter know it's been a month and a half filled with headaches and exuberance. To everyone who's prayed, I'm extremely grateful for your encouragement. I look forward to the day we can hug. The emails, the at replies ... just seeing your avatar in response to a tweet has been the most heart-lifting thing. You know who you are. So what does all this rambling have to do with faith? Well ... Faith is rearranging your house for a roommate when you're both scared to live together due to previous negative experiences. Faith is investing $105.99 dollars in a new phone because the blackberry is dying and how can one encourage self-harm twitter friends on a dying phone? Faith is driving three hours across alligator alley to encourage a long distance friend presently "in the area" because you know that's what God wants you to do. Shells and laughter worth every penny. Faith is buying one avacado when you want four but you only need one. Faith is inviting a friend over for lunch because you have $1.99 chicken breast in the freezer begging to become easy-bake chicken parm. Free dish washing was not expected. Faith is applying for a semester of intense discipleship at church because you know you're still obsessed with pleasing people and that's never going to fly if you really intend to challenge the status quo. Faith is turning the light on at midnight because you have words to say that might not touch anyone for another five years but they have to be written sometime. Faith is trusting that the Asian lady who handed you two napkins when you started crying in church is only one example of the provision of a God also able to place you in work that will both pay your bills and allow callings to be followed. Callings so wonderful and amazing they take your breath away to even think of them. Plans so ridiculous you don't even bother to share them... Ephesians 3:20 come to life. Purposes so wild and challenging a ceo would laugh in mockery and a child would hope and dream.
That is my faith. And that is my life.
Is it worth it? So I believe.
What are you hoping for?
I challenge you to ignore your grand fears and walk in obedience to what you know God has asked you to do right now, be it ever so simple.