Thing is I don't know how to not be this way.God wired me to answer honestly the average "how are you." Unfortunately, honesty gets awkward. Processing deep hurt out-loud in hope that someone somewhere might benefit from an ideally "God-honoring" thought process ... is my personal definition of vulnerable. On the flipside, I try to share raw heart that's not cacophonous, chaotic, or bloody.
Learning to keep my own secrets took a long time.In 2010, the shyness of my sweetheart caused my discovering the joy of privacy. The four years that followed, I entered new work environments. Each batch of coworkers learned increasingly less about the inner me. My current job only knows that I used to do ballet.
I aim to earn respect by my actions, not my external accolades. (Finally.)So how does this apply to blogging? And MegLivingInsideOut? And can I capitalize that without self-absorption? The answer is unknown to me, however I have some resolutions:
1. I will always tell you the truth.While using my life as my context for learning, I will attempt to share the thought processes of my heart ... without making my emotions or myself the proverbial cat's meow. Too many possessive pronouns in that sentence.
2. I will always protect others.Honesty often comes at the expense of other people. Hopefully they will remain unnamed and unimplied to the best of understatment's ability. This respect of others is very much dependent on the ever-fluctuating maturity.
3. I am resolved to press into God DAILY.He is the only true source of wisdom and maturity. Without Him, my words are meaningless pixels wafting like a fart in cyber-net air. How He could make this heart and voice mean anything to anybody - and believe me I'm overwhelmed by your prayers right now - is a mystery beyond the finite comprehension of my ever-changing and unstable self-worth. I desperately need to keep growing up.
Thank you for interceding.