Study of a Season

I was thinking recently "What did I actually accomplish in 2012?" Very little of celebratory value came to mind. I'm just thankful I survived Christmas without cutting my hair (or anything else for that matter.) Then I texted the bestie. One of. You know how it is when there's three that rotate depending on whom you talked to last? I was telling her about an old friend I saw at the grocery store. A friend I met four years ago ... who got me a job at a shoe store. Four years ago "today," I stood in a shoe store. A nervous seasonal parttimer "lucky" to have a job. I was blessed; I didn't deserve any. I'd been rightfully fired from two previously.

I'd just moved to Florida by faith and a prayer.

And there I stood, a nervous little twenty-one year old who looked pretty dorky wearing khaki-pleated pants. Like a toothpick in a deflated balloon.

An artist without a voice. Almost.

By much sweat, bruises and tears, I had one dancefilm to my name. No Youtube uploads to share with anyone my eyesight for the world or the movement that bled from my heart because of the InverseDream. What a lost, lonely, confused soul I was! I didn't even know how to hold my head straight, much less stand up to a customer's unworthy return. Ballet daily, yet no freedom to show for my strain.

Flash forward to today

Not only am I a capable team member, I'm a "blazer-wearing" manager at a store I used to be afraid to walk into let alone shop. I've read the policy, I know the policy and I have the polite chutzpah to enforce it. Then I saw my old friend. "You've grown!" She says. We both know I'm the same height, but I feel taller on the inside. She can see it.

~~~

  • I'm still a young 'un to many, but I'm old enough to say I'm wiser.
  • I've been in love. And I've had my heart broken.
  • I've tasted unwarranted pain. And I've received healing & grace I'd never be able to earn.
  • I've raised money by the dollar. And I've lavished it wisely at the feet of experience.
  • I've found myself entrapped by "friendships" who used me for their purposes. And I've been freed to find friends in circles I'd never dare enter.
  • I've walked the lonely paths of circling paranoia. And I've danced upon mountain trails God created for my feet.
  • I've agonized without thought before the canvas of blank. And I've stayed awake all night with mind afire.
  • I've poured my efforts into frustrating practice runs without purpose. And I've learned to practice diligence on private pursuits that will one day yield great reward.
  • I've tried expressing emotion by nearly breaking my neck. And I've learned to stare into hearts.
Dance By the Newsboys - Youtube

It's quite the transformation.

It's amazing what God will do with a life if you give Him some time.

I can't pinpoint one day when everything changed. But I do remember small milestones that marked the path along the way. All I know is ... my soul is on fire. And there's no going back.

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